shineyB's blog

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[  Mood: Scared ]

Nope, I am not hiding in the cupboard, but my computer is in the cupboard under the stairs, so I am in here...

I am not really scared actually...well i am a bit aprehensive about my MRI scan tomorrow. Over the last few years I have become a bit of a dab hand at things other people might find scary or horrible: I consider a mere blood test a walk in the park...getting a horrible venflon thingy for a drip into my wrist hurts like a bugger, but I can smile and chat through it seemingly without a care...I drove myself on the 45 mile round trip for 4 weeks of radiotherapy without so much as a moan (well...maybe a moan or two!) and even CT scans are fairly bog-standard as I've had one every 3 months for the last 18 months. but, BIG but... (No comments about MY big butt please!) I have never had an MRI scan and I don't like not knowing how I will be and what will be done and for how long etc etc...Okay, perhaps the chance they could also find something I don't want them to (well, if there IS something there i want them to find it, but you know what I mean!) may be scaring me too somewhat...but I like to think it is more fear of the unknown than fear of the all too familiar, sadly.

I've heard the MRI machines are very noisy...so maybe I'll take my i-pod along...Songs anyone? "Stuck in the middle with you?", "Please release me, let me go!"...come on, I am sure someone out there can do better!

On the bright side, maybe I'll be more "attractive" to the opposite sex tomorrow, with all that magnetic field around me! LOL Sexy Drs here I come! I had better stay POSITIVE about it all I guess?

God, shoot me before I pun any more!

Sinead

366 [ Permalink ]

this is my speling:

cat
and
boy
test
shut


i had a picnic for my tee

my cat died but we are getting a nuther one


goodnit love bethany

862 [ Permalink ]

[  Mood: Happy ]

The pressure of having to think of a witty or attractive headline for this...I should have stuck with "First entry" and so on...

I am happy today. I had a busy day, sorted out stuff with the lawyer so am one step closer to divorce...had fun at work...had fun at rainbows and brownies....managed to make Stovies for tea (yum)....went to a self defence class with some Police friends/wives and some dushy blokes were running it...

Logged on here for a quickie, and was once again cheered and delighted with the responses to my blog! I feel popular! MUST return the favour though and read other peoples' blogs too...Day off tomorrow so maybe will treat myself: one Blog for every room I tidy? Sounds good!

Night all!
(I feel like a Walton child!)

Good night John Boy...(why is it no one EVER says Good night Erin? She was the most forgettable walton i guess...)

XXX
Sinead

892 [ Permalink ]

[  Mood: Confused ]

Dangerous as I have the dreaded PMT alongside PET (Post Ex Tension!)

I survived the night without any strange men in my house , but DD (dear daughter) swears he was there. Maybe she is a little possesed...sure would explain that 360 degree head swivel she does! Oh, and please don't mention that evil-incannate himslef Satan, oops I mean santa claus...we don't do santa in this household and I have had many a fight about this on parenting fourms as I think it's lying to children all this tooth fairy and santa nonsense and refuse to do it... (but I will save the true rant for closer to the festive season, Ho Ho Ho)

I am amazed and overwhelmed with my 9 responses...It feels nice to know people out there read and replied to me...awwwww I am all warm-fuzzy now...Helps ease the PMT somewhat.

I am a bit fed up just now...struggling with life juggling all the things I am, and I feel I don't give my all to any one thing. To clarify I will list what I see myself as: I am a (big deep breath here)
single parent: this in itself is tough. I have to be good guy bad guy, get to school on time and remember all the stuff, make all meals and feel guilty if we dont manage our 5 a day....take both to activities and do fun things with them, get them washed, clean and dressed in clean and ironed clothed...and so on.
part time worker: now this isn't so bad. I only work 3 mornings, and I am an auxilliary for a little boy with down's syndrome. He is lovely and I really enjoy my time with him. BUT the place i work is a bit of a bitch fest and it is hard not to get dragged into it all...Ho hum.
Part time Student: I am in my second last year of an honours degree in psychology with the Open uni. These are my honours courses, and are pretty tough going. I rarely give the time I should to the courses and seem to live one assignment to the next. It is not unusual to pull all nighters (literal, working from 10pm to 8am efforts) ust to get the damn things done. In fact I just asked for an extra few days for the one due in tomorrow as I knew with the arrival of my period there was no WAY I'd get it done tonight...
Coper: (don't even know if that's a word) As in someone who copes. I'll fill all the background info in at a later date, but suffice to say in 2004 I was dioagnosed with life threatening (as opposed to fun?)cancer, had chemo and radiotherapy until the end of september, in feb 2005 my husband of 8 years 8(and father of my children) decided he didn't want to "be a dad" and left...(he now lives with his co-worker and sees the kids once a week for around 3-4 hours)
I feel I am the one who always seems to cope and can never let my weaknesses show. My mum was so worried about me during my illness she made herself ill, literally...and so I can never let her see I amn't 100% in case she freaks more...
I have an MRI scan this Friday to see if the area in my chest has changed at all...I have been getting breathless again and having some pains in another area of my chest...but I have also gained 3-4 stones (yes, I really am that fat) in the last year. Some twisted part of me thinks that eating equates to healthy...not cancer.

Anyway, I bet there are not many of you got this far. Better than UK Gold for putting people to sleep me...

If you have gotten this far, thank you..

Next post should be a bit happier I hope, and thanks to everyone who replied/commented last time. It makes me smile to think of you all...

XXX
Sinead

419 [ Permalink ]

[  Mood: Scared ]

[  Currently: Listening to noises in my house, anxiously! ]

First entry tonight, and as I was typing away in my intro, my daughter (almost 6) came and told me she had "seen a man with a grey top on walking past the door of the room" (she was meant to be asleep in my bed as she hasn't been 100% recently.)

Cue anxious 10 minutes where I stuck her into her brother's room saying "No dear, there's no one in the house, just a dream(!)" and then I crept around the house with breadknife in hand a la "Scary Movie" scene...Even looked behind the shower curtain (and yes the psycho scene DID come uinbidden into my mind!). Checked outside (put the chain onto the door first) and then that all the doors were locked. Phew!

So I think either she was dreaming (likely) or she is psychic and saw a ghost (hmmm, not so likely) and hopefully there is no man hiding under my bed (which would be bad, unless he happens to look like Goran Visjnic from ER)

So I am off to my bed, may have to take the knife with me...


S

PS Does anyone actually read this? Give me a little wave if you do!